OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
