After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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