"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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