my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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