I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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