my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
