Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
