Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found puke in my bra..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
