you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
