the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
