this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
