I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
did i walk over a car last night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
