Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wear drunk well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
