I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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