there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
