I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
