I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
