Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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