we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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