he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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