I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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