Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
