So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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