I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have surprise drugs for everyone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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