It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
