true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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