the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
