I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
