I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
