Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
