Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
