I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
try to milk me bitch
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