I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
