Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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