every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
