You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
