At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
