I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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