do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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