either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
