So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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