first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
