Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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