and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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