Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
