Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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