I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your penis caused this!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
