Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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