The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
