the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
