WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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