these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
