Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
