I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
