i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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