I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
