one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
